When I Couldn't Get Ben to Hold my Hand ...

Ben and I went on our first date January 2011. 
We didn't start exclusively dating until January 2012. 
In that year, we didn't kiss. We didn't hold hands. 
The most I got out of Ben was an arm around my shoulder while we took a picture. 
It was a really long year for me. 

This is the picture with his arm around me.

In October of 2011, about eight months after our first date, I started to get a little impatient with how slowly Benjamin was moving. I liked him a lot. And I mean, A LOT. And I knew he liked me. That was about the time we both started being more obvious about our feelings for each other. But I couldn't understand, if Ben liked me as much as I knew he did, why he didn't make any moves. 

I really wanted Ben to hold my hand. I knew he was careful with his kisses and I didn't expect him to kiss me for a long time. But holding my hand, I thought that was a reasonable expectation. 

Now, normally I didn't have any qualms about holding a guy's hand first. With Ben, though, I was so nervous. I couldn't make myself do it, for whatever reason. 

So, I started hinting. At first, I was subtle. When that didn't work, my hints slowly grew more obvious. Every single time we went out, we would sit close to each other. So close that our legs would be touching. Our hands would be sitting right next to each other. 

But Ben never held my hand. I couldn't understand it. 

Then we started dating exclusively. It was wonderful and exciting and I couldn't have been happier. But he still didn't hold my hand. My family teased me mercilessly when they found that out. 

When I saw him next, we were watching a movie. We were sitting in our normal position, sitting close enough to be touching, both our hands free and sitting next to each other. I sat there, once again wanting to reach for his hand but feeling nervous. Then I thought, "This is ridiculous, we're dating. I can hold hands with my boyfriend." So I did. And later that night, he kissed me. 

It was a great weekend for me. Later, when talking about this situation, Ben told me that he hadn't held my hand because it just hadn't occurred to him. He had wanted to kiss me several times before that, but holding hands wasn't as big of a deal to him as it was to me. Now we look back and laugh at it.