Charly and I are taking a marriage class at Church. It's really fun. This week we decided to take some advice from the class and list each others talents and gifts. We are starting off with 5. We will update this as we go.
1. Charly is supportive. This is something I learned about her just recently and I love it about her.
2. Charly is great at dance and great at teaching it.
3. Charly is an amazing writer. I love everything she has ever written.
4. Charly is loving. Not just with me but with everyone she knows. She cares about people.
5. Charly is a great wife! I'm serious. Other men should be really jealous of me.
Ben and I got married on April 20, 2013 in the Bountiful Temple. We wanted to use this blog to share the experience of being married from the perspectives of both husband and wife. We love being married and we hope you enjoy this blog as much as we do! Don't forget to follow us and feel free to leave a comment on our posts--we love to hear from you!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
A List of Ben's Gifts and Talents
This will not be comprehensive or the list will never end. I'm serious; my husband does EVERYTHING. I've never met anyone so talented.
1. Patience. Benjamin has this gift as no one else I know. There have been many times since we've gotten married when Ben has needed to patient with me. Those times come mostly when things don't go according to my plan and I get grumpy. Those are the times when, even though I don't show it, that I am most grateful for Ben and his patience with me. Our relationship thrives on his patience.
2. Believing. Ben has a talent for helping others believe in themselves.
3. Learning. Ben has the gift of learning. I attribute this in part to his home schooling and the way his mother taught him to learn. He isn't afraid to try new things, he is observant enough to pick up the tricks of how to do things, and he is just naturally good at new things.
4. Love. Ben has the gift of love. He is always serving, always looking for ways to help others. There are so many times when I catch him thinking of others, especially his family, before himself and I don't think he even realizes it.
5. Everything. This one might be cheating, but Ben seems to have the talent of being talented at everything. This probably is due to his ability to learn and his fearlessness in trying new things. If you know Ben, you know that Ben also really gets into things. He goes through phases, but during his "piano phase," he does piano all the time. When he goes through his "art phase," art is all he does.
1. Patience. Benjamin has this gift as no one else I know. There have been many times since we've gotten married when Ben has needed to patient with me. Those times come mostly when things don't go according to my plan and I get grumpy. Those are the times when, even though I don't show it, that I am most grateful for Ben and his patience with me. Our relationship thrives on his patience.
2. Believing. Ben has a talent for helping others believe in themselves.
3. Learning. Ben has the gift of learning. I attribute this in part to his home schooling and the way his mother taught him to learn. He isn't afraid to try new things, he is observant enough to pick up the tricks of how to do things, and he is just naturally good at new things.
4. Love. Ben has the gift of love. He is always serving, always looking for ways to help others. There are so many times when I catch him thinking of others, especially his family, before himself and I don't think he even realizes it.
5. Everything. This one might be cheating, but Ben seems to have the talent of being talented at everything. This probably is due to his ability to learn and his fearlessness in trying new things. If you know Ben, you know that Ben also really gets into things. He goes through phases, but during his "piano phase," he does piano all the time. When he goes through his "art phase," art is all he does.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Two Dates for Me, One Date for Charly
Just kidding. It was really only one date but it was almost two. Here's the story:
"Thanks bishop!" I said as Charly and I walked back towards our apartment. The day hadn't been going so well even with the bishop's help. Charly had bought tickets to an improve show at BYU but we had missed it because our car Toothless had broken down. The bishop had gotten Toothless started, and back to our apartment, but it took quite a while.
"Well that was an interesting date," I said to Charly. I knew she didn't consider it a date and I was just joking when I said it.
"That wasn't a date," She said gloomily. We entered the apartment.
I knew Charly was frustrated because I can always tell. She was mad that she had paid for the tickets and we couldn't go, she was mad that we hadn't really had a date, and she was frustrated with the car.
You have to understand. Dating is REALLY important to Charly. She hates not having a real date on date night. A couple weeks ago I had been sick and so we hadn't gone on a date. We hadn't been on very many "actual" dates in a while. When Charly gets frustrated like this sometimes it just makes me want to leave the room, or just listen to music, or do something where we don't really have contact. I know she isn't mad at me but I don't like to see her frustrated and sometimes, I don't know what to do. I really just wanted to go lay down in bed, and go to sleep.
At that moment I knew that I needed to talk with her though. I don't know if it was the Spirit that told me, but I knew. I didn't want to. I still wanted to go to bed. But in my mind I thought, "Am I going to invest into this relationship or walk away? If I choose to walk away and avoid the tension now, how many other times will that happen?" I walked up to Charly, sat down, faced her, and said, "Talk to me."
She turned to me, lip quivering, and let everything out. She told me all of her frustrations of the day, how she felt about each one, how hard it was for her to not be able to go on an actual date.
I just listened.
Somewhere along the conversation we both ended up crying and hugging each other. It was a very spiritual moment. We both told each other how important the other was to us. I felt so good and I could tell Charly felt better as well. We ended up going to get some ice cream and seeing a movie together after, so we still got to have our date.
This is a very special story for me and the reason I'm sharing it is because I want everyone to know that in every relationship, you have to make a choice of whether or not you are going to invest in that relationship. If that person is your spouse you should always invest, whatever it takes. It might not be what you want to do at the time but you need to do it. I'm not perfect, not by a long shot, but I am 100% invested in my relationship with Charly. I will always choose to invest in her. I know because I chose to now.
"Thanks bishop!" I said as Charly and I walked back towards our apartment. The day hadn't been going so well even with the bishop's help. Charly had bought tickets to an improve show at BYU but we had missed it because our car Toothless had broken down. The bishop had gotten Toothless started, and back to our apartment, but it took quite a while.
"Well that was an interesting date," I said to Charly. I knew she didn't consider it a date and I was just joking when I said it.
"That wasn't a date," She said gloomily. We entered the apartment.
I knew Charly was frustrated because I can always tell. She was mad that she had paid for the tickets and we couldn't go, she was mad that we hadn't really had a date, and she was frustrated with the car.
You have to understand. Dating is REALLY important to Charly. She hates not having a real date on date night. A couple weeks ago I had been sick and so we hadn't gone on a date. We hadn't been on very many "actual" dates in a while. When Charly gets frustrated like this sometimes it just makes me want to leave the room, or just listen to music, or do something where we don't really have contact. I know she isn't mad at me but I don't like to see her frustrated and sometimes, I don't know what to do. I really just wanted to go lay down in bed, and go to sleep.
At that moment I knew that I needed to talk with her though. I don't know if it was the Spirit that told me, but I knew. I didn't want to. I still wanted to go to bed. But in my mind I thought, "Am I going to invest into this relationship or walk away? If I choose to walk away and avoid the tension now, how many other times will that happen?" I walked up to Charly, sat down, faced her, and said, "Talk to me."
She turned to me, lip quivering, and let everything out. She told me all of her frustrations of the day, how she felt about each one, how hard it was for her to not be able to go on an actual date.
I just listened.
Somewhere along the conversation we both ended up crying and hugging each other. It was a very spiritual moment. We both told each other how important the other was to us. I felt so good and I could tell Charly felt better as well. We ended up going to get some ice cream and seeing a movie together after, so we still got to have our date.
This is a very special story for me and the reason I'm sharing it is because I want everyone to know that in every relationship, you have to make a choice of whether or not you are going to invest in that relationship. If that person is your spouse you should always invest, whatever it takes. It might not be what you want to do at the time but you need to do it. I'm not perfect, not by a long shot, but I am 100% invested in my relationship with Charly. I will always choose to invest in her. I know because I chose to now.
This is Not a Date.
Friday night is my favorite, because it is date night.And I am very pro-dating.
Now, if you know me, you know that my definition of dating is different than most anyone else. It has to fit all the criteria for a date--planned for as a date, paid for by one person, and paired off. On top of that, though, a date is only a date if it feels like a date.
Lately, because of school and being sick and other obstacles, our date nights haven't exactly met my "date criteria." Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Ben and, since we pretty much everything together just as a couple, we go on a lot of dates, in Ben's definition of a date. I was excited for our date this week, though, and had it planned out flawlessly.
While I was at school in the morning, I stopped to buy tickets for BYU's Humor U performance that night. That's when everything started going wrong.
Our one and only car wouldn't start for me after class. I just walked the hour and a half home. Then Ben got home late from work. That, on top of our need to figure out the car (as well as a paper that Ben needed to write for school) meant that we missed our already-paid-for-show. We spent the early evening with our Bishop, trying to get the car to start.
We finally got it to start and drove home. On the way, Ben remarked, "Well, this was an interesting date."
"This isn't a date." It had been a hard, stressful day for me and I was very disappointed that our date was, once again, turning into what I considered to not be a date.
Luckily, we had a gift card to Coldstones Creamery. When we got home, I asked Ben if we could go out for ice cream. He, of course, agreed. The Coldstones we ended up going to was in the same parking lot as the Provo dollar theater. Before we went inside, we noticed that Monster University was playing in the dollar theater. Neither of us had seen it yet, but we both wanted to, so we went to the 10:30 showing, getting a discount with our student ID's.
It started off as a really awful date for me. Nothing had been gong the way I had planned and I was frustrated. Things turned out perfectly, though, and it was a really great date night. I love my husband. He's not a huge planner and he and I might not agree on the definition of a date. When it's really important, though, Benjamin is so sweet.
When I got married, I thought it was important to have a husband who would take me dancing and sing me songs on the guitar and plan romantic, fun dates. Those things are nice. I still enjoy listening to Ben play guitar, I love dancing whit him, and I wouldn't mind if he planned more dates. That's not what actually matters, though.
It matters when I'm upset and he just holds me.
It's important to me that he takes the lead in finding a way to fix, say, the car.
I'm so grateful for his patience with me when I'm grumpy that something didn't work out.
It is perfect that he doesn't get frustrated or stressed like I do.
It's the little moments in everyday life that are important. And let me tell you, singing romantic songs on the guitar isn't what it's all about.
Now, if you know me, you know that my definition of dating is different than most anyone else. It has to fit all the criteria for a date--planned for as a date, paid for by one person, and paired off. On top of that, though, a date is only a date if it feels like a date.
Lately, because of school and being sick and other obstacles, our date nights haven't exactly met my "date criteria." Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Ben and, since we pretty much everything together just as a couple, we go on a lot of dates, in Ben's definition of a date. I was excited for our date this week, though, and had it planned out flawlessly.
While I was at school in the morning, I stopped to buy tickets for BYU's Humor U performance that night. That's when everything started going wrong.
Our one and only car wouldn't start for me after class. I just walked the hour and a half home. Then Ben got home late from work. That, on top of our need to figure out the car (as well as a paper that Ben needed to write for school) meant that we missed our already-paid-for-show. We spent the early evening with our Bishop, trying to get the car to start.
We finally got it to start and drove home. On the way, Ben remarked, "Well, this was an interesting date."
"This isn't a date." It had been a hard, stressful day for me and I was very disappointed that our date was, once again, turning into what I considered to not be a date.
Luckily, we had a gift card to Coldstones Creamery. When we got home, I asked Ben if we could go out for ice cream. He, of course, agreed. The Coldstones we ended up going to was in the same parking lot as the Provo dollar theater. Before we went inside, we noticed that Monster University was playing in the dollar theater. Neither of us had seen it yet, but we both wanted to, so we went to the 10:30 showing, getting a discount with our student ID's.
It started off as a really awful date for me. Nothing had been gong the way I had planned and I was frustrated. Things turned out perfectly, though, and it was a really great date night. I love my husband. He's not a huge planner and he and I might not agree on the definition of a date. When it's really important, though, Benjamin is so sweet.
When I got married, I thought it was important to have a husband who would take me dancing and sing me songs on the guitar and plan romantic, fun dates. Those things are nice. I still enjoy listening to Ben play guitar, I love dancing whit him, and I wouldn't mind if he planned more dates. That's not what actually matters, though.
It matters when I'm upset and he just holds me.
It's important to me that he takes the lead in finding a way to fix, say, the car.
I'm so grateful for his patience with me when I'm grumpy that something didn't work out.
It is perfect that he doesn't get frustrated or stressed like I do.
It's the little moments in everyday life that are important. And let me tell you, singing romantic songs on the guitar isn't what it's all about.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
My Favorite Picture of Charly
I'm such a lucky guy.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
When I Was Oblivious to Charly's Signals that She Wanted Me to Hold Her Hand.
I'm just an oblivious sort of guy. I know there were many times where Charly wanted me to hold her hand but I didn't. She probably gave me some sort of signal as well. I know all the signals now because she has told them to me. Before though, I had no clue.
I remember one night when we were at Charly's house and we were watching Robin Hood. During the movie I really wanted to kiss her. I don't think we were even dating at the time yet but I sure wanted to kiss her. I didn't though.
I remember another time when Charly and I were at the temple and I was showing her something on my iPod. She was holding the iPod so I used that as an excuse to put my hand under the hand she was using to hold the iPod. It was a small moment to everyone else but it was huge for me.
You see, I take any sort of physical statement very seriously. I feel that holding hands is something you should only do if you really like somebody. I know everyone will have different views on this but the fact is that most girls take physical attention as a sign of love and guys don't usually see it the same. There are exceptions to this but many times this is true. I think that men need to be careful. They might lead a girl on without even meaning to just because they don't see things the same way.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm actually a very physical person once I feel like I'm committed to a relationship but before that I'm very careful. I don't know if this is the best way to be while dating but it's the way I chose to be.
I know this was very frustrating for Charly but I didn't know this at the time... well, mostly. Charly has always been very patient with me and I love that about her. I know it drives her crazy sometimes. I guess when it comes to love crazy can be a good thing.
I remember one night when we were at Charly's house and we were watching Robin Hood. During the movie I really wanted to kiss her. I don't think we were even dating at the time yet but I sure wanted to kiss her. I didn't though.
I remember another time when Charly and I were at the temple and I was showing her something on my iPod. She was holding the iPod so I used that as an excuse to put my hand under the hand she was using to hold the iPod. It was a small moment to everyone else but it was huge for me.
You see, I take any sort of physical statement very seriously. I feel that holding hands is something you should only do if you really like somebody. I know everyone will have different views on this but the fact is that most girls take physical attention as a sign of love and guys don't usually see it the same. There are exceptions to this but many times this is true. I think that men need to be careful. They might lead a girl on without even meaning to just because they don't see things the same way.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm actually a very physical person once I feel like I'm committed to a relationship but before that I'm very careful. I don't know if this is the best way to be while dating but it's the way I chose to be.
I know this was very frustrating for Charly but I didn't know this at the time... well, mostly. Charly has always been very patient with me and I love that about her. I know it drives her crazy sometimes. I guess when it comes to love crazy can be a good thing.
When I Couldn't Get Ben to Hold my Hand ...
Ben and I went on our first date January 2011.
We didn't start exclusively dating until January 2012.
In that year, we didn't kiss. We didn't hold hands.
The most I got out of Ben was an arm around my shoulder while we took a picture.
It was a really long year for me.
In October of 2011, about eight months after our first date, I started to get a little impatient with how slowly Benjamin was moving. I liked him a lot. And I mean, A LOT. And I knew he liked me. That was about the time we both started being more obvious about our feelings for each other. But I couldn't understand, if Ben liked me as much as I knew he did, why he didn't make any moves.
I really wanted Ben to hold my hand. I knew he was careful with his kisses and I didn't expect him to kiss me for a long time. But holding my hand, I thought that was a reasonable expectation.
Now, normally I didn't have any qualms about holding a guy's hand first. With Ben, though, I was so nervous. I couldn't make myself do it, for whatever reason.
So, I started hinting. At first, I was subtle. When that didn't work, my hints slowly grew more obvious. Every single time we went out, we would sit close to each other. So close that our legs would be touching. Our hands would be sitting right next to each other.
But Ben never held my hand. I couldn't understand it.
Then we started dating exclusively. It was wonderful and exciting and I couldn't have been happier. But he still didn't hold my hand. My family teased me mercilessly when they found that out.
When I saw him next, we were watching a movie. We were sitting in our normal position, sitting close enough to be touching, both our hands free and sitting next to each other. I sat there, once again wanting to reach for his hand but feeling nervous. Then I thought, "This is ridiculous, we're dating. I can hold hands with my boyfriend." So I did. And later that night, he kissed me.
It was a great weekend for me. Later, when talking about this situation, Ben told me that he hadn't held my hand because it just hadn't occurred to him. He had wanted to kiss me several times before that, but holding hands wasn't as big of a deal to him as it was to me. Now we look back and laugh at it.
We didn't start exclusively dating until January 2012.
In that year, we didn't kiss. We didn't hold hands.
The most I got out of Ben was an arm around my shoulder while we took a picture.
It was a really long year for me.
This is the picture with his arm around me.
In October of 2011, about eight months after our first date, I started to get a little impatient with how slowly Benjamin was moving. I liked him a lot. And I mean, A LOT. And I knew he liked me. That was about the time we both started being more obvious about our feelings for each other. But I couldn't understand, if Ben liked me as much as I knew he did, why he didn't make any moves.
I really wanted Ben to hold my hand. I knew he was careful with his kisses and I didn't expect him to kiss me for a long time. But holding my hand, I thought that was a reasonable expectation.
Now, normally I didn't have any qualms about holding a guy's hand first. With Ben, though, I was so nervous. I couldn't make myself do it, for whatever reason.
So, I started hinting. At first, I was subtle. When that didn't work, my hints slowly grew more obvious. Every single time we went out, we would sit close to each other. So close that our legs would be touching. Our hands would be sitting right next to each other.
But Ben never held my hand. I couldn't understand it.
Then we started dating exclusively. It was wonderful and exciting and I couldn't have been happier. But he still didn't hold my hand. My family teased me mercilessly when they found that out.
When I saw him next, we were watching a movie. We were sitting in our normal position, sitting close enough to be touching, both our hands free and sitting next to each other. I sat there, once again wanting to reach for his hand but feeling nervous. Then I thought, "This is ridiculous, we're dating. I can hold hands with my boyfriend." So I did. And later that night, he kissed me.
It was a great weekend for me. Later, when talking about this situation, Ben told me that he hadn't held my hand because it just hadn't occurred to him. He had wanted to kiss me several times before that, but holding hands wasn't as big of a deal to him as it was to me. Now we look back and laugh at it.
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